if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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