I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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