he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
