what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
