so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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