Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
