I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
