The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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