You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
