we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
