the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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