I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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