You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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