oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
