it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
