look no pants
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
