If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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