Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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