Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want nice things and good sex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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