My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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