So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
