I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
