I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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