discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
