Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
