It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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