The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His nipple licking is glorious
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