It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize