my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
