We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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