it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
