is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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