i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
