so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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