haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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