I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
