dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
