He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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