you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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