apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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