Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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