okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood