he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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