I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old