Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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