he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."