Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
