someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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