Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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