I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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