you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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