I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
