my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
