don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
