Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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