Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
