i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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