I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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