you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
