we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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