can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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