Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
