...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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