I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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