Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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