if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
