just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We left the knife in your bed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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