I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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