sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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