I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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