did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
