Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
