his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
